ponders...

i realli wonder how come certain ppl can just be so thick skin... it's like... regardless whether in the competitive swimming side where u boast like nobody's business or in other ways where u dunno ur limits and just irritate ur frens... or issit just me pms-ing... for myself... i wld rather ppl not even notice me than to go forth and try to catch other's attention... ending up... pissing off others... and of cos... cos no one's worth me doing tt for as of now...

sigh... anyway... there are times i realli wonder wat am i doing in polo... yifern ming (both mi good frens) haf already quit... and am i realli liking wat i do currently??!! gg for polo trg every session as though it's swim trg in the past... but sadly... jiao lian is not the coach... and i always get told off??!! even mi parents dun dare to tell me off and i haf to take shit from others (this includes the players too)... it's so political and there has to be cliques and times where ppl just ostracise others... WHY?!?! WAT'S TT FOR??!! in swimming... we dun face this kinda stuff cos if u are gd means u are gd... u fight for ur own gold and glory... no need to kan4 lian3 se4 from anyone... i am just suddenly thinking of chiong-ing swimming again... i haf been dormant for like a yr... and i am starting to miss those quiet peaceful times with jiao lian and frens as tt's where i belong in the first place... i am not good with team games cos i haf been an individualist for the past 8yrs... it's hard to change for mi...

thankfully mom's getting mi a car... i will definitely just leave the polo pool after trg immediately and rush home... avoid seeing ppl i dun like... ppl who tell me off... ppl who think they are so great to tell me off... I HATE TO BE TOLD OFF in case mi frens out there who dunno... i bear grudges... and i hate u means i hate u... i am filled with hatred... and i am just beginning to hate polo... they say the coach is leaving next yr... oh well... tt doesnt realli matter... cos i hope to leave b4 tt... but how am i gg to put it??!! 'i cant stand scoldings from anyone... so i feel polo is not the sport for me... i am quitting...' is tt how i can do it??!! sigh... why am i stuck in this abyss... i am just a substitute... wat the hell am i trg so hard for den??!! when others can dun train and yet still be in the MAIN team... watever... polo just sux for me...