Trust

I was just thinking about the level of trust I have in my friends. Sometimes, I feel really sad that I can't communicate freely with certain friends anymore because there is no trust. But I guess it's part and parcel of life and it boils down AGAIN to the expectations I have of my friends.

Rarr... I need to manage my expectations of people around me man. I guess it's sometimes good not to have any expectation so I won't feel that disappointed even when my friend fails me.

Yifen !!! Where art thou... -_-'''

Reflections...

Sometimes I wonder if I have too high expectations of others, especially my close friends, to the extent that I make things very hard for everybody, including myself. Even towards people whom I work with, whether in school or in church, I often impose on others how I expect things to be done and make myself look like a total bitch. Maybe sometimes it's just good not to have expectations on others, especially to people who are close to me. Cos when they fail to live up to them, I will feel more disappointed than ever.

2009 Resolutions

1st on list
Train hard for the upcoming Asian Water Polo Champs

2nd
No more vulgarities

3rd
Improve on my lousy guitar skills

That's all for now! Hah...

Emotions 20/12/2008

Sometimes, I find it hard to let go. Though there is already a clear line drawn in between, I can't help but emo when people try to go into his life and start afresh. On the other hand, I find it alright to do so on my side. I was just thinking about it and I realised I am a very selfish person! I seriously need to grow out of my immaturity soon before I let my emotions get over me. Ahhh... Uncle Ho was right, my greatest weak point is that I am too gan3 qing2 yong4 shi4 -_-

Why Why Why??? :(

Sigh. Super emo now.

Sometimes, I feel that my parents are a little unappreciative, especially during this period of time when they want me to help do some minor make over for the house. My dad came back to Singapore recently but did not say anything about what he wants for the make over. However, every time I call them and update them about the things to be done, instead of showing some appreciation, they will come up with 'modifications' and get me to change certain things -_-''' If they have any suggestions, shouldn't they tell me all at a shot instead of making me go back to 50% when I am already close to 95% done ! Unfair isn't it?

I am working now, which means I'm only left with Saturday and Sunday. Church and polo take up my whole Sunday so I'm left with Sat. I seriously can't remember the last time I went out with my friends already! Oh well, week after week has been like this. Totally no life ever since I started helping them do this make over. The packing and un-packing is killing me. The cleaning up is torturous. I am really sick of doing all these.

Why am I the only doing it? Why must I always try so hard to please my parents?

Things seem so helpless cos my parents are not staying here and they can't do anything to help but to open their mouths and give me more crap each time I update them. Can I just give up and mind my own business? I really can't help but feel frustrated...

ARGH...

I'M TERRIBLY BROKE !!!

Oh man ! I'm super broke ! So sian. How I wished mom and dad are around :( Dear friends, please don't ask me out ok? I can't afford to now -_-'''

My First Hospitalisation !!!

Oh man I really need to share this !!! I was admitted into Tan Tock Seng Hospital for the very first time on Tuesday morning at 935!

It all started with my greediness, having roast duck, char siew and roast pork rice with a few of my colleagues and their clients during lunch on Monday at around 1pm. Then I started to feel unwell at 4pm and died-ed in office. I took a little nap and felt super cold all of a sudden !!! The air-con temperature was adjusted to 26 degree celcius and I was still feeling damn cold -_- Then i ton all the way till 630pm and collapsed on my bed immediately upon reaching home.

Then at 430am, I woke up in cold sweat (Tues morning) and started having the runs. As I was about to get back to bed from the toilet, I saw black patches all over and felt super weak with my head spinning and burning. THE NEXT MOMENT WHEN I REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS, I WAS SPRAWLED ON THE FLOOR LIKE THOSE MERMAIDS LYING ALONG THE BEACHES IN OUR OLD SCHOOL FAIRY TALES *ok la, just my wishful thinking of being a mermaid :p* After which I used every ounce of my energy to crawl to the shower before making a dash for my bed before I black out again.

At around 8am I woke up and sms-ed my colleagues that I was on MC and tried to bring myself to the toilet. And history almost repeated itself if not for Joseph!!! *Thank God!* I laid on the floor near the toilet with Joseph holding onto me on the other side and thought to myself, 'if I ever die, I really hope to go to heaven'. And with that, I started mumbling the Lord's prayer 10,000 times and kept telling myself only God can save me. *And you know what? I think it was probably cos of all that muttering in my semi-conscious state that made my brother thought that I was going berserk and needed to call for an ambulance. kekeke*

And so I was sent to Tan Tock Seng Hospital *actually I also don't know why they sent me to TTSH when I'm in fact staying right beside one -_-* Oh well, anyway, my blood pressure went down to 100/60 with heartbeat 200 and blood count 6.2!!! *damn it* Then somehow my blood pressure dropped further until the machine showed an ERROR signal and the paramedics were quite helpless for awhile. I was supposed to give my urine sample but I was like HELLO, SEMI-CONSCIOUS ???!!! And this stupid doctor was totally insensitive and annoying and insisted that I give him my urine sample despite my inability !!! *-_- I almost wanted to slap him*

Then I went around doing all the checks and was put on drip and I felt much better after 3 hours in the hospital. The doctor wanted me to stay in for a day, but given my strong reluctance and fast-recovery body, he finally told me I could be discharged at around 3pm! Haha. And my kind colleagues Wilson Tracy and Peiru came to visit me and sent me home !!! Hee... So much love !!! Woo...

But honestly, I really thank God that I'm alive and kicking now man. Kekeke :) The Lord's prayer helps! Haha. Please continue to pray for me man friends!!! :) :) :)