I REALLY MISS MY GRANDFATHER...

sigh... mi grandfather just passed away... yesterday... 15 Sep 2006... around 5.20pm... i'm reali upset... kept crying while mi and net were on our way to pick mary to eat katong laksa... sigh... cry until i had headache... but i insisted on gg trg... cos i din wanna go home alone... i will be even more upset tt way...

after laksa we went trg... it was ok la... swam quite abit... and throughout the whole trg... images of mi grandfather kept flashing across mi mind... i reali miss him... and i reali wanna be with mi family now... bro got no more leave from camp... but i think he's given 3 day compassionate leave... so hope we can both go hk and see our grandfather for the last time...

i reali miss mi grandfather... i'm very upset... mom was the onli one with him till the last moment... dad din make it to the hospital in time... i guess dad must haf been very upset abt tt... but johnny was telling mi tt grandfather left peacefully... and tt he was happy just to haf mom acc him by his side when he left... i hope i cld be there with him too... and i wish i'm in hk now with mi family... we definitely need each other's moral support...

grandfather was the onli main reason y our Chow family is still hanging on... 3rd aunt was already a lost sheep... den great aunt has her husband to see to... actually both sld enjoy their retirement together... sigh... uncle is busy with 2 jobs... earning just sufficient to make ends meet... so he dun reali haf much time for family as well... grandfather was the onli person who holds us all together... and with him around... it was the onli time where we cld actually all come together for meals... now tt he's gone... i dunno wat's gg to become of mi family and relatives...

in fact... i dreamt abt mi grandfather's death abt 3 nights ago... n when dad called mi the next day to tell me tt grandfather was not doing so well in the hospital... i feel helpless... like... so what if i know smt's gg to happen???!!! i cant leave just like tt... i've got sch proj meetings etc... sigh...

i'm worried abt dad... grandfather doted on him most among his siblings... and he's also very filial... so i guess he will be the most upset now... and i reali wanna thank God for creating the 2 opportunities for me to go back to hk to celebrate my grandfather's last birthday and spend quality time with him... or i might not even be able to see him again b4 he left... those were reali very happy moments where our whole Chow family came together for his birthday... and mi and joseph wld bring him out for meals with great aunt and uncle when dad and mom were at work... i guess i wun be able to look forward to this anymore when i go back hk next time... :(

i'm reali upset... and having very bad headaches from all the crying... i dunno wat else i can do now... i feel very lost suddenly... and i am totally not in any mood to do mi hw and study for mid terms... i wanna ask if i can skip the whole mid terms so tt i can spend more time in hk... but i dunno how to go abt doing tt... i'm so upset... but i've got so much work to do as well!!! sigh...i look forward to cell and service later...i reali need some counseling and strength from the almighty One...