How I Came To Know God...

I still remember the first time I insisted da ge (Eugene Teo) to bring me to church was cause of my breakup with Kenryu. Though I was the one who initiated it, I was very sad that he was going to Australia. It was a period of depression cause I would cry alone at home, whether was it in the middle of the night or when I was bathing. And it suddenly just struck me that I needed to go to church. Sandra, my TJC best friend knew about it and brought me to her church at Anglican High School. I went there twice I think, until da ge told me that his church, Light of Christ City Church (LOC), was much nearer for me.

Then I started going to LOC and of course, it took me a very long while to grasp this whole Christianity religion. I went there on 21 Aug 2004, all the way till after A Levels, until I found my job at Euro Group, I backslided for almost 8 months. When I started school in NUS, I found out that my best friend Chau King was starting to attend church with da ge (they're a couple btw) and so it struck me that I have to seek God again. Something was just always there telling me that I have to seek God, but then, I didn't feel that I believed wholeheartedly or whatsoever. It was like grasping in the dark, and I didn't know what I was really in for. Going to service and cell did not mean anything to me. Merely ways of pleasing God, hoping that He will love me more and bless me with a better life.

Until recently, when many things have happened, I began to really feel God's presence. It's not as though I didn't feel God previously, but more of, I feel a lot more about God lately. It started when God blessed me with my NUS Sports Woman of the Year award last Oct. Then God gave me my best friends in NUS Edison and Marcus since year 1, who motivated me to study a lot last sem and gave me a CAP 4.3. Without them, I'll probably still be a goner in my studies. And then was LOC youth church camp, where I took up a leadership role and became more involved in church. Followed by my breakup with my 4th boyfriend Jian Long. It was a pretty bad breakup cause there was hatred and anger in him after the breakup which led to some difficulties in settling those breakup issues like returning of my stuff. But I guess God wants to teach me patience, and that I have to learn how to put my trust in Him. Which I did!!! And now, things are fine just the way they are.

During the 4th breakup, I was filled with anger and frustration until I was coughing with traces of blood in my phlegm. It was very annoying cause I didn't understand how anyone could just give away things that do not belong to him to Salvation Army. It speaks a lot about one's character, and it didn't help at all when he threatened to throw away other stuff that he was still holding on to and hurled vulgarities over sms-es. But thanks to my church friends like Joel, Pastor Joseph, Alan and Chau King for always being there for me. Of course, Yifen, Mary, Qian, Edison, Marcus and my whole polo team too for being so supportive of me.

Through this whole bad experience, I've learnt to put my trust in God. Even when times are bad, I've learnt to cast all my worries unto Him, and trust that He'll take care of them. I really thank God for all that He's done for me. I am happy that I had taken the initiative to go for the youth camp (though I seriously used to HATE camps) and I even agreed to Eileen's request of leading worship last Thursday. It was a nice experience opening prayer for the cell and I feel that I want to serve God even more after all these opportunities that He's given me. Now, I see myself getting more involved in church and trying hard to live my best for God. Since I'm made in the image of Him, I should try to be a living example and be a good Christian. This is my New Year Resolution and I hope I can achieve it with God's blessings!